I guess it really isn't that bad, or even that big of a deal but I've been keeping myself up at night with all that goes on in my brain and I am tired. Tired from being kept up at night, tired of thinking and over thinking every little aspect of every little thing that I do. I'm also really sick of the usual subject of these thoughts. Stupid boys of all things! Really? I don't have anything better to worry about? Apparently not.
Look- I am over trying to figure out how to find me an Edward. I've looked, believe me, and either they don't exist or they are real uninterested. I don't feel like I ask for much, someone who is chivalrous and nice to me tis all I want. I know that I definitely deserve better than what I had, but that really isn't hard to beat. But in the end what it boils down to is that I would really like to make out with someone right now but the thought of that is also rather terrifying to me. In fact it gives me the anxiety, don't know why it's only harmless kissing. I guess I'm mostly just scared of being hurt because I honestly don't know that I go through all of that business again. I really shouldn't have the negative attitude that any relationship I'm in will end poorly but my history has shown that it will. Poor me right? Ha! I guess I just need to have an open mind about things because it's possible that I could ruin something great right? That is if anyone ever came along...
I know that I'll probably regret posting this because I think it makes me look silly and sad but as it turns out, these are the thoughts in my head and if you have negative feelings about it I refer you to the title of this blog. Thanks.
2 comments:
i just like that you're honest about. I'm sure a lot of people feel this way, but do they openly talk about it? no! So props to you for doing so. I really do hope life can get a bit better for you soon.
Well boo, you know my take on this and I think you should DO IT!! We wouldnt want you to end up like I was just a short time ago. Its not good. I may still be an idiot from time to time, but not nearly as bad!
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