Life sucks

Dude life blows something serious these days.  I am hating it.  I'll warn you now that if you don't like complaining and some possible swearing then quit reading now.  Thanks.

I realize that things could be worse.  I have a job, I have my health, I have a family and some friends.  I get it thanks.  But honestly I have not felt this bad about myself for a very long time.  People that I have trusted (which is hard for me to do in the first place) have betrayed that trust and made me feel like a fool.  Never been so hurt or angry in my life.  I'm sure you're all curious as to what happened so I'll tell you because this is the internet and hopefully it gets around to the entire world so this person can suffer.  Dick.

Zachary Jack Taylor my boyfriend of 5 long years cheated on me about 2 years ago.  REAL NICE RIGHT?  I had suspected something was going on because he wasn't coming home until super late and all that obvious stuff but when I asked him about it um, about 100 different times he denied it.  Since we broke up though he has been a major asshole to me so yesterday I finally got him to confess.  I would have punched him in the face if I didn't think I would get punched back.  

I feel like an idiot and a fool but most of all I feel like I wasted so much of my life.  I was busy cooking dinner for a shithead when I could have been out meeting boys that are decent and not cowards.  I could have been having fun with my friends instead of struggling to make a relationship that obviously meant nothing to someone work.  I'm just really hurt and actually quite embarrassed.  I'm surprised that I am even writing this.  But  I am sure that I'm not the first person that this has happened to and I guarantee I am not the last.  It just sucks so very much.  Are there any decent people in the world?  and why I am I such a bad judge of character?  I wish that I could say that I'll take this as a learning experience but I don't think that I can.  I've always been bitter and cynical and this makes it just that much worse.  Honestly I am not a trusting person in the first place and for this to happen makes me want to give up on love altogether.  I don't want to die alone, but I certainly never want to feel like this again.  It's not fair-I gave everything to him and got taken for granted.  Stupid me for opening myself up and letting someone in.  There is a reason that I don't have friends and it's because I don't want to get hurt.  So for someone I loved dearly to do this makes me sick.  I'm lost and confused and so hurt that I'm numb.  I hate him and I should have trusted my heart when it said that he was not being faithful but I didn't, I believed him, what an idiot.  

Seriously what the hell is wrong with people?  Why does it seem like it's okay to cheat nowadays?  Politicians do it all the time and their wives stand next to them while they confess and apologize on TV.  Fuck that.  It's not okay.  It's sick and sad and disgusting.  If you don't have the balls to tell someone you don't want to be with them than you are not a man at all.  I really hope that karma is a bitch to him and that he gets what's coming to him.  He needs his life ruined because he has certainly ruined mine lately.  

I'm embarrassed and hurt and angry and sad and confused.  Where do I go from here?  How do I pick up the pieces of my messed up life?  It's so shattered I don't know that it can ever be put back together...